IN TODAY'S WASHINGTON POST EXPRESS

TOP STORY

* World Survives Gay Marriages; Other Civil Rights

Boston--Millions of Religious Anti-Rights activists were stunned this morning when the world did not end. Gay couples from across Massachusetts lined up today in Cambridge and other towns across the state to be wed in the first full, legal civil ceremonies that grant civil rights that don't have anything to do with religion. Pro-rights activists cheered as the first couples marched down the figurative aisle, making the United States only the fourth country to recognize full gay marriage. Even if only a little bit.

The Anti-Rights activists were more subdued and expressed shame and disgust. "I'm really pissed at God for the lack of brimstone," said Phyllicia Mulgrew, President of Rights For Me Only, a local religious organization. "Not even a good smiting. It's like He doesn't care that people who are different from me will be treated the same. It's unchristian!" Phyllicia and others like her are now pinning their hopes on using mob hysteria to undermine the Constitution and pass a federal marriage amendment, which would deny rights to American citizens.

The historic granting of rights to formerly second-class citizen falls coincidentally on the same day, fifty years later, that the Supreme Court handed down its decision in Brown vs. Board of Education, which desegregated public schools and also did not cause the world to end. While Rights For Me Only has no plans to protest this historic decision, Mulgrew confirms that "it's still on our radar."

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FUNNY PAGE

* Man is cheap! With hilarious results.