IN TODAY'S WASHINGTON POST EXPRESS
* We've Run Out Of Ways To Say "Iraq Is Fucked"
Fallujah, Iraq--Buried under an avalanche of reports of suicide bombings, casualties, insurgencies and attacks, the editorial desk today admitted that it had completely run out of ways to describe how fucked the situation in Iraq is.
"We've gone through the thesaurus, we've, uh, 'borrowed' headlines from other papers--we're just out of ideas," said Managing Editor Philodendra McPhee. "The civil unrest has spread to seven cities or more, now; as many as forty, or maybe none at all, were killed in an attack on a mosque that may or may not be a center of resistance. Lots of people are dying, and we're just lucky we can keep a number on it!"
"Basically, no one knows what's going on. I'm sure somehow this is Bill Clinton's fault."
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* Did We Mention That Iraq Is Fucked?
* And So Are All The Troops There?
* Okay Then
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* French Bauhaus Bean Childhood Ballet Thing Makes Less Sense Than Iraq
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CROSSWORD PUZZLE REPORT
* Dundee Toppers: TAMS
* Stiller's Partner: MEARA