* Mass. Promises To Take Away Rights Eventually Maybe
Boston--The Massachusetts State Legislature yesterday gave final approval to an amendment to the state constitution specifically designed to undermine the clause of the document which guarantees all state citizens equal rights under the law. The proposed amendment would ban gay marriage but allow civil unions in a compromise that has drawn criticism from both activists who support equal rights and those who believe that their religious beliefs should trump civil standing under law.
"Establishment Clause be damned," screamed anti-marriage activist and devout Christian Ezekiel McCafferty, "Jesus died for my sins, not so that homos could enjoy equal protection!" Other anti-rights activists were more sanguine, noting that the ban was critical for the maintenance of public order and the coherence of the family unit. "Just look at the complete anarchy and breakdown of the educational system in San Francisco and the Netherlands," said Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney. "It's complete anarchy, with babies being eaten in the streets and being put on spikes by bands of lawless married homosexuals. We can't allow that to happen here."
The passage of the proposed amendment has no immediate effect beyond making the legislators feel good about themselves, as according to the Massachusetts constitutional amendment process, next year's legislature must pass the same amendment, at which point it appears on a ballot for approval by the state's electorate. The earliest the amendment could take effect is 2006, well after the May 17th deadline mandated by the Massachusetts Supreme Court for same sex marriages to begin. Governor Romney has indicated that he will ask for a temporary abridgment of rights until if and when the permanent one can take effect, but the Court has said repeatedly that it will do no such thing, since it is in the business of protecting rights, not applying them whimsically.
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* Miss Piggy's Word: MOI